The continuing adventures in Beverly Hills...

Did anyone ever watch Beverly Hill Hillbillies when they were younger? DAM I LOVED that show. Seriously.

Anyway. Clem came to work with me today. We just went for a walk and she pooped in a bush on Rodeo Drive right in front of Dolce and Gabanna. The door man watched me closely to make sure I picked it up. Ha.

Also - sightings include one of the Olsen twins shopping for antique jewelry and looking very ghostlike indeed. Oh and the newest story in the office is about how I saw George Lucas but wouldn't shout, "JarJar Binks sucks!" at him, even after being offered $100 by a coworker to do so. Who else...oh after Clem pooped we saw a guy from the OC that caused Marissa to die...he was wearing a bandana. Gross on tv, gross in real life.

Unrelated to this topic: what's up with the grandma "accidentally" putting the infant through the xray machine at the airport? If she doesn't have to go through it, why would the kid?

really?

doing my laundry...went to put my wet clothes in the drier but they were both full of completely dry clothes. i removed them and put them on the very clean table by the drier then put my stuff in and went back up to my apartment. i just went down to pick up my dry clothes but um. the person opened both driers and left them open - so clearly my clothes are still wet. all i want to know is...why. who does this? how old are you?

hate.

Celebrities

Before moving to LA I wondered what all the fuss what about. Why, exactly, do so many people think it's so awful here...so full of such lame people? I've finally come to the decision that it's all about the celebrities. There are plenty of normal people here - smart and stupid alike. But I'm starting to think the bad name Los Angeles has is all thanks to the "stars."

Last night at the Avalon Peaches played. OF COURSE Lindsey Lohan decided she needed to attend. When I worked in NY she occasionally just showed up at venues expecting to be let in and usually was after a little bit of a hassle. Why people cater to her amazes me. She doesn't seem to be particularly nice, smart, or even considerate of other human beings. And yet - she makes a phone call an hour before the show last night and expects to be accomdated for free with about 5 of her friends. People scambled every which way to find her comps before finally saying nope...she'll just have to buy some tickets. After SO much drama she decided she was too tired to come. Unfortunately we had already charged her credit card and as we all know - no refunds or exchanges. HA!!! Also, on my drive to work I heard on the radio that she has been taking strip aeorbics with her mother here in LA and is reported to have not had a drink in 7 entire days. I would imagine those two things greatly contributed to her tiredness last night. Poor thing.

All of this drama was made alright when my favorite person ever (on tv) came up to my window. Adam Brody! Wah! He was clearly nice enough to request a guest list spot ahead of time and handed me his ID like a normal guy. Thank you, Adam Brody, for acting like a decent human being.

I hope this is a lesson to you, Miss Lohan. Act like an ass and be charged for tickets you don't use - act like a good kid and I just might exchange your general admission tickets for a nice box with a booth to put your feet up in.

Work!

First off - http://blogging.la/archives/2006/12/livenation_sacks_79_at_house_o.phtml

Eek! Let's hope I keep MY job with all this drama going down.

Second, and most importantly: While working Trey Anastasio this past weekend I experienced the worst name drop of my entire life. It was even worse than dropping a name of someone I don't know. These people walked up to me and said they were "Adam Corolla's people." Um. Excuse me? He still exists?? Let's just say I didn't jump up to help them.

Other highlights of the night included a man attempting to enter the venue with a bottle of liquid labeled "methodone" then insisted we return his "medicine" when he was asked to leave. HA. Also a guy had his weed conviscated and thrown in the rather large trash can by the entrance of the venue. When told to take a hike he attempted to grab the HUGE trash can and make a run for it. He didn't make it very far before he was jumped by the security gaurds and eventually the police. I'm sure he had a lovely night in jail that night - right after he puked on the cop car that was taking him away.

<3

Beverly Hills - Where We ALL Want To Be

Today on my drive to work I saw a maintenace truck marked "Beverly Hills Pothole Patrol." The truck was pulled over repairing what I'm sure was a pothole in dire need of some attention. BUT - it was NOT in Beverly Hills. The only story I can come up with to explain this is that a Beverly Hills resident ran through the pothole and immediately declared an emergency, phoning up their local Pothole Patrol. Thank goodness I now know this service is available for those of us lucky enough to either work or live in area.

Next topic - I witnessed this happen yesterday: Former Spice Girl and current potential Eddie Murphy baby mama, Melanie B., set off a photog fight in Beverly Hills.After eating at Mr. Chow, the stacked singer became trapped in the middle of a turf war between two rival paparazzi. As the two men aggressively confronted each other, Mel's handler started yelling, "Get her inside!" An X17 photographer lashed back, "You in my hood!"A scared Scary Spice retreated into Mr. Chow and emerged only after the fight had died down. Though she looked calm during her second exit, it was clear that Mel wanted to get the heck out of there, telling her driver, "Let's go, let's go!"

If you'd like to watch the video please visit this site: http://www.tmz.com/2006/12/07/fight-breaks-out-over-scary-spice/ When she gets in the car there is a view out of the window AND YOU CAN SEE ME IN THE BACKGROUND for a second. Yes folks, I have achieved my dream and true reason for moving here: FAME!!

p.s. sorry I haven't posted in so long. I'm lazy.

:(

Listening to The Smiths at work...

I'm homesick. I miss Jesse.

News Worthy

I've been waking up early lately and watching the news or a morning show of some sort. It's really great to spend an hour or so in the morning sitting, drinking coffee and learning about important world topics such as "Gigabyte Gangsters" and Meredith Vieira's opinions on faith.

First of all - thank you ABC News for giving such a catchy name to the ever troubling issue of identity theft! I believe it was the indie rap group, Cunninglynguists, who pointed out that "America Loves Gangsters." This is clearly further proof of that fact. We apparently need drama in our world so much that we will add the word gangsters to anything to make it interesting! Believe me - now even I am scared.

Next up - The Today Show special for last week was all about faith. They explored many different religions, explaining the beliefs and problems with each. Seems like an interesting subject, no? I mean - American's most definitely need to do them some learnin. But, let me explain to you the day that I watched the longest (before wanting to puke and changing the channel). It was a day all about Judaism (of course I watched the Jewday...come on people do you know me?!). Matt Lauer was sent allllll the way to Israel for this piece so it MUST be special, right? As the camera zoomed out from his face you saw the beautiful view behind him. Really, it WAS breathtaking. I love Matt Lauer! But then...Meredith interrupted to say the following:

"It's so beautiful there. You know Matt...I bet just BEING there would make you believe."

Thank you Meredith. You are truly inspiring.

With that kind of an introduction I just knew this was going to be worth watching. It reminded me of a VH1 "I Love The 80's" special. There were guests making funny comments about Judaism! I am NOT joking. Richard Lewis was a guest! Between these people making smart ass comments about their religion there were a couple of serious Rabbis explaining what it takes to get in to the Jewish version of heaven. And wouldn't you know it...the background music featured such songs as Heaven Must be Missing an Angel as well as The Los Lonely Boys, Heaven (How Far is Heaven...)

A big thanks to the Today Show for really inspiring me, as well as many others I'm sure.

New Officemate

Let me preface this by saying that no one can top Abbie Johnson. Not only is she a genius but she's gorgeous as well. Now that we've cleared that up...

I share an office now with a guy named Nic. Here are some highlights:

- every single time he talks on the phone I end up laughing. Today he was talking about how bad traffic was...two accidents on the way to work...took almost an hour. Best quote from this convo: "Thank GOD I stopped at the gas station and got a snack! Can you even imagine?"
-for Halloween he was Carla, the "flight attendant that does it all" (at least I believe that was the complete title). He wore the outfit out at least 3 times and has countless pictures and videos. Amazing! Please note: not only did he purchase a wonderful flight attendant outfit but also purchased actual wings to put on the outfit. He was not joking around.
-for breakfast he can be seen eating such things as Munchos or today...Chex Mix. Delicious.
- his cell phone ring is "Sexyback."

light is nice

Here's pics out the window in my office. I like it...certainly never thought I'd have a window! Faaaaaancy!

Boo

SO - yesterday was the end of my second full week at work. It's possible some of you know nothing about my new job...but I'm not entirely interested in explaining what I do so too bad! I will say, however, that I am by far the least experienced and important person in my particular department but I'm having lots of fun. I have a lot of things to learn and that's pretty exciting as most jobs I've had in the past have been pretty brainless. It's nice to have a job that a trained monkey couldn't do.

Next topic: Halloween.

I hate this holiday. I hate that every girl in the world comes up with a costume like this: "What ever will I be? Oh! I know...a _____ (insert anything - cat, tree, fire hydrant). A sexy one!" Ugh. Let's recall a few costumes from my past: A mime, a napkin, Emo. I think I can safely say I personally go for the slightly clever and kind of lame costumes which require little to no purchases on my part. What, you may ask, will I dress as this year? Tim Duncan! Yes, the tall black basketball player on my favorite team, The Spurs. I think it'll be great.

Some may call this rude....

New York:
High/Low

10.24: 50/42 - Cloudy
10.25: 52/40 - Partly cloudy
10.26: 52/40 - Partly cloudy
10.27: 52/50 - Showers
10.28: 55/43 - Few showers
10.29: 54/42 - Partly cloudy

Los Angeles:
High/Low

10.24: 78/29 - Mostly sunny
10.25: 77/29 - Mostly sunny
10.26: 85/59 - Sunny
10.27: 88/59 - Mostly sunny
10.28: 84/58 - Partly cloudy (uhoh!!)
10.29: 79/58 - Sunny

Don't hate me. :)

Thanks Dang

You've given me a pretty concrete bit of information about myself. It will definitely help when I'm faced with that annoying "About You" section we are each occasionally asked to fill in.

I'm prone to completely masochistic addictions.

the end.

Dogs

Thanks to frequent visits to a very popular dog park I have made some dog friends. And by friends I mean the dogs...not the owners. This post is mostly to let you know that there are some interesting animals in this world. Such as this ridiculous thing:



This is a Peruvian Hairless dog. It is so nasty. It has NO hair but instead just skin. Skin that feels like I imagine an elephant feels. Gross. A really hot woman entered the park with not one but TWO of these things. She called one over so I could touch it and only after touching it was she nice enough to let me know she had just covered the thing in oil to keep it from getting a sunburn. Gross. She explained to me that this breed is so rare that there are only two breeders in the entire United States but she actually "rescued" hers. I didn't ask exactly what that means but I would imagine it means that some stupid rich people with allergies to normal dogs paid for these ugly things then realize that they're gross and so she adopted them?

Also there were two giant black Standard Poodles there a few days ago. One was named Oliver and the other Twist. There was another dog named "Baby Mama" and yet another named "Hot Mama." All four of these oddly named animals were members of the same doggie day care group visiting the park. I assume they all came from some kind of East Village-ish neighborhood where people insist on naming their animals and children funny and slightly witty things. Overall though I find all of the names to be stupid and dumb.


Also - I got a job. I start tomorrow. More on that when I have something to say about it.

Things you should know

1. There's a new show called The Monastery. And no, the name isn't trying to be clever. Here's the premise:

"The Monastery is a BBC show where five men spend 40 days and 40 nights living in a Catholic monastery. The men must abide by the rules of monastic life in an effort to show whether or not St. Benedict's 1,500-year-old rules still have relevance."

A reality tv show about a monastery? Is it a competition? The man that can successfully remain celibate wins? Maybe they present them with obstacles...the cast of The Girls Next Door come for a visit or something? That could be pretty amusing actually. You should all obviously tune in to this program.

2. Medical marijuana. We should all obviously know more about this.

"...seriously ill Californians have the right to obtain and use marijuana for medical purposes where the medical use is deemed appropriate and has been recommended by a physician who has determined that the person's health would benefit from the use of marijuana in the treatment of cancer, anorexia, AIDS, chronic pain, spasticity, glaucoma, arthritis, migraine, or any other illness for which marijuana provides relief."

It's my understanding that people suffering with AIDS have severe nausea which leads to anorexia. The problem can be lessened with the use of this drug. However, at some point apparently plain old anorexia was added to the list. I'm sure there are some very serious medical reasons for this. But really? Munchies = cure to anorexia? Seems pretty funny to me.

my brain, my brain

I befriended a couple of work people on myspace. In fact I INSISTED on befriending said people. One of them read this blog - and the post about my job. My head has so many problems.

So just to set things straight - the people at this sillysilly job are so fun. If they weren't fun I think it would be awful.

ANYWAY - I went to see The Stills a couple nights ago and had a few comments to make. First of all - concerts are just amazing. I can't name another thing (other than Clem) that makes me feel so good. Sure the band on stage is great but to watch the crazy people watching the band is even better. Where else can you watch one guy standing completely still with a serious look on his face right next to a guy jumping around and singing at the top of his lungs? Where else I ask you?! Everyone just stands there, facing in one direction, feeling very similar but very different things. I know it's cheesy but it's just all I want from life - to be able to stand with those people and watch them experience music right in front of my face.

Also - there are WAY more douchebags here in LA. And by that I mean there are way more guys with tight t-shirts on and muscles that actually fit in those shirts. And they are always with a girl with large fake boobs that isn't wearing a bra. Are these people real? I can't name my favorite thing about boys but I can say, without a doubt, that my least favorite thing is when their muscles fit perfectly into their t-shirts. Gross.

What else...oh...people are you out there?! Wanna comment or something like that? I MISS my friends. Brent and Meighan - do you even exist anymore or were you eaten by a rose bush???

Malibu

Here's the story: we went to Malibu. See the pictures? It was pretty. By we I mean me and Clem. And she threw up in the car twice yesterday and twice today. She doesn't seem to understand that the car takes us to really fun places and so should be loved.

While in Malibu the following two things happened to me:

1. I saw a man walk on water. At least it looked like he was...then I realized he was actually standing on a surf board in the middle of the ocean, paddling himself with a long oar. I WISH I got a picture of that...but I was driving.

2. I met two old ladies, each with a golden retriever. Those two dogs were so full of energy and loved Clem. I said, "Those dogs are so happy about life." One of the old grandma's said: "As we all should be." I love her.

My Juice, My Brain

A week and a half ago I bought a bottle of CranGrape juice. I'd had it before and it was quite tart and delicious so I figured it was time for another bottle. I've had a glass of it every couple of days since then and thought each time that it was just great - nice purchase, nice teamwork grapes and cranberries!

I just read the label. It's just grape juice.

My First Favorite Place

Listen up people - I've discovered the key to happiness! Before moving here I had a vague feeling that it had something to do with being outside and in a place where you can actually hear yourself think over some crazy lady sitting next to you on a subway car. Turns out - I was right! After spending a couple of weeks sorting through the fact that I completely miss my friends and spend most of my time alone wtih Clementine I made the decision to take life by the horns (ahem, I'm from Texas) and find some happiness. It may sound cheesy but...please people work with me here. Maybe I'm a cheesy person now and you just completely don't even know me. ;)

On Sunday, Clem and I went park hopping...that is, after we dropped off one disc of Grey's Anatomy at Blockbuster and picked up another. The first park we visited was called Pan Pacific Park and was lamelamelame. I mean...there was some nice grass there but I've got patches of grass outside my front door. So we left there and went to Griiffith Park. Ding! We hit the jackpot. Here I discovered my first favorite place in the city of Los Angeles (other than the beach which is just so obvious). Here's a picture of the spot:





And some pictures of the view from the spot. For those of you craving some cliche picture of LA...there's the Hollywood sign:





In addition to all this beauty there are great views of all of LA. Tons of sparkly buildings and things of that sort. Basically - what an amazing place and it's only about 15 minutes from my house. I'd say this beats McCarren Park by far...sorry Jesse. I still like you though.

Oh - and here's a picture of some people making out in MY spot when Clem and I returned today to visit. They're very small but definitely there in the bottom right corner.



You should also all know that I learned something else today. Hiking is just walking but a little more difficult. I had to HIKE up a steep hill to get that picture of the Hollywood sign. There was a little heavy breathing but I made it to the top of the mountain. Well...it wasn't the very top but it was pretty close.

More stories to come...for now, enjoy the pictures.

"Flat Daddy"

I've made it a habit since moving here to watch the local news every morning. I figure it's good to be in touch with this new and rather strange city. This morning there was a special segment on the families of military people in Iraq. Apparently there's a new program which may or may not be called "Flat Daddy." I didn't quite get all the facts. What I did get was this: the new program sends life sized pictures of the wife/husband/whoever to the family. The family that was featured uses this "Flat Daddy" in their daily life. They set it at the table with them, take it to football games and even take family pictures with it! How GREAT. They interviewed the "Actual Daddy" live during this segment and though the wife and two children seemed totally into the idea he seemed more or less miserable and didn't even smile once while on camera.

I don't think it's necessary to comment further on this - it's funny and weird all at the same time.

Next up: there are forest fires raging all around the area. Every morning they talk about the day fires and how if you have asthma to take precautions. Yesterday the sky looked funny. I said to a coworker: "Is the sky weird because of the fires?" Him: "What fires?" Um. I hope he doesn't have asthma.

Who knew!

Well I certainly never knew you were supposed to post your blog more often than once a week. That just seems presumptious to me. Seriously - I'm just not that interesting. But don't you worry...I won't let that stop me from talking about myself.

This past week Jason hooked me up with a really funny job. He's been working there since July or something and can stand it, I didn't need to interview and well...that's reason enough for me to go in somewhere and get paid. I wasn't entirely sure what the company was before I started and that DEFINITELY lead to some confusion in the first couple of days. Actually...no, it didn't. And THAT is what is so funny about this job. I know nothing about the company really and don't really care! Yet - I answer the phone and they actually trust me to enter book orders and exist in their office. Oh, by the way - it's a college text book publishing company. My day goes as such: data entry, answer phone, data entry, data entry. Same thing over and over, talk to Jason and then Jason's roommate Jason, data entry, lunch, etc, etc. Amusing, really. But hey - it'll pay a few bills for a while.

What else is there to report? Clementine is SICK. I have to stay home with her today as she's been throwing up all day today and yesterday. I'm constantly afraid of her dying. I'm sure she'll be ok - she seems to not be reacting well to grown up dog food so I've put her back on puppy chow even though she's over a year old now. Whatever, not interesting.

For those of you curious about what it looks like where I live - I apologize. I still can't find the cable to connect my camera to my computer nor have I sought out a store to purchase a new one. The picture up there can give you a rough idea though.

Ok, so it doesn't look like this at my apartment but I've gone to watch the sunset three times in the past week and that's good enough for me. Nothing else to say - I miss my friends!!!!

The first good day

I thought it necessary to relay the following post which WOULD have been made yesterday if I had an internet connection then.

9.10 - Today was the first official "good" day of my new life. My "good" I mean I didn't have time to do all the little things around the house, I didn't perfectly align everything in the kitchen out of complete boredom. Nope - I had a full day! Clem and I awoke at 6:30 am and went for a brief and, in the eyes of physical fitness, fairly unsuccessful run. Nonetheless, it was a great attempt. You may be wondering why I was up that early on a Sunday morning. The explanation is brief. I fell asleep at 9:30 Saturday night. Moving on. After the run I drove over to Starbucks to use some over priced internet for a few hours and then to Target to spend some more money. On this trip I successfully located Trader Joes, Jamba Juice, Baja Fresh and other great and important things. For those of you more interested in where Clem is - she stayed home. Sorry. After this trip, however, I went home and picked up Clementine for a trip to what was promised in Not For Tourists Guide to LA to be a very social dog park not too far from me. By not far I mean if I had not gotten lost it would have only taken 15 minutes...but instead it took at least 30. Let me tell you - this dog park had a lot of dry, dusty dirt and was too spread out for me to socialize with anyone other than the two children who insisted Clem was "funny." Owell - we'll try again another day I suppose! Next up I dropped off Clem, ate some dinner and went down to Santa Monica beach just in time to sit and enjoy the last hour of sun and the wonderful sunset. The peacefulness was only temporarily interrupted by a very nice hispanic man who really wanted to be my friend...despite our complete language barrier. I then attempted to find my way back home and somehow did NOT succeed - getting lost and pulling off the freeway twice. It may have taken 20 minutes to get to the beach but of course, it took at least an hour to get home.

I'm not sure I can afford these scenic route drives much longer...

Finally - I have news. I have a land line. You heard me right people - a LAND LINE! Look out Los Angeles white pages...I'm listed!

#1

Please excuse this for not being so funny - it will be my first attempt at blogging and meant mainly to fill you in on days past.

I promise - I will never post anything that I don't personally find interesting. This means that FOR SURE Dang will find it amusing and Jesse will surely find it boring.

:)

Quick overview:

I'm fine! I arrived, I have an apartment and as of today I also have a bed. The #1 question I have been asked by every friend, relative and general acquantance is "how is Clementine?" Well...first of all, I am fine. Thanks. Secondly, of COURSE Clem is fine...she's a DOG. I bought her some treats and squeaky balls and she feels right at home. Please remember - her brain is the size of a peanut. But - I did just ask her where Jesse is and she checked the entire apartment...even behind the closet door. She's now sniffing furioiusly at the front door. I see now that was a mean thing to do.

Anyway - the details aren't really interesting or important. I'm here - that's all!